Happy Friday!

It’s a happy Friday indeed! I weighed 209 this morning, 40 pounds down since January 1st! I just have to keep this momentum and focus up! Here’s a quick shot that JC took of me this morning:



I'm having a party tomorrow at my house for JC's birthday, and I have to ensure that I have healthy choices for myself on hand. Challenge weigh-in is on Sunday!

Hope you all thoroughly enjoy your weekend! :)

Work it out!

For the first time since this journey, I actually notice a difference when I look in the mirror. I mean, I *know* there’s a difference because my clothes are baggy, but my body looked the same except maybe smaller. Last night, I was checking myself out and could finally see it. My arms are more toned, I have a long way to go, but they’re looking better. I am starting to get definition in my abs, those used to be my best feature years ago. Nowhere even close to a six pack, don’t get it twisted LOL, but more defined than before. I don’t have back rolls anymore, I used to have two rolls on my back. How embarrassing that I’m talking about this stuff, but screw it. You guys already know more about me than even my best friend does.

I credit these small changes to exercise. I do tons of fast walking, strength training with weights and cardio DVD's at home. The last time I tried losing weight a few years ago, I knocked off some pounds but didn’t tone up at all. Gained it right back. Now my muscles are getting firm underneath it all. I am excited to see how my body will look when I reach my ultimate goal. I don’t know what that ultimate goal, number on the scale or clothing size is, but I will know the closer I get to it. My aim is to be FIT, not just skinny!

Stronger

Sometimes I think of the path my life has taken this past decade, and it boggles my mind. I was a little bit chubby as a kid, but I lost all my weight in the summer of freshman year in high school. It was like a teen movie, I ended freshman year all awkward and chubby, not too many friends – then came back sophomore year a changed girl, 120 pounds, hair & makeup done, new wardrobe. I became a cheerleader, made lots of friends, had the time of my life in high school.

I started working at a gym in my teens as a receptionist, and by my early twenties I was a manager and a certified aerobics instructor. I worked out every single day, and I could run on the treadmill for an hour, no problem. I went dancing 3 nights a week. I did a 26 mile bike marathon, all 5 boroughs of NYC.

How the hell did I get from there to my highest weight of 249 in 2012?

I can’t blame it on one single thing. I went through the most tumultuous time of my life. So many HUGE life changes in one decade. Obviously I didn’t deal with it the right way, I stuffed my feelings away with food, and had little to no activity. But losing my mother at 50 years old shook me to my core, and forced me to re-evaluate what I want out of this life, and what my priorities are.

I’m starting to get a glimpse of the girl I used to be, the girl who loved to workout, the girl who enjoyed life as it is. I have grown tremendously and I will never be who I was back then, and that’s a good thing. I’m not as carefree and naïve, but I am strong. No matter what life throws my way, I can handle it. I have a confidence that I’ve never had before, you can only get that confidence by going through a shit load of stuff but coming out stronger for it. I care less what people think of me than I did back then. Maybe I didn’t “waste” a decade of my life, like I usually say.

Back to the grind!

Happy Monday! I lost three pounds last week for Allan’s challenge, currently I’m in 5th place – woot woot! It’s under my real name which is Melissa, I go by Mina on here because that’s a nickname of mine from my sister. I’ve lost 13 pounds this month for the challenge, he set my goal as 30 pounds by June 15th, but I hope to surpass that!

Hope you all had a nice weekend. Mine was pretty laid-back, yesterday was spent running errands, and I took Dylan to visit the Easter Bunny on Saturday, he loved it! Next to him is the bunny my mom got him last year, I had to incorporate her somehow since Easter Sunday was the last time she saw him, and she LOVED Easter. Here’s my little man:

My favorite shirt

See the pic below? I'm on the far left side. See that shirt I'm wearing, white, pink & black? That was my favorite shirt in 2008. That pic was taken at my Goddaughter's Christening.




Guess what shirt I'm wearing today? Yup, that one! What an awesome Friday, it's beautiful outside, and I fit into my old favorite shirt! Woot-woot! It's TOM, I'm crampy and headachey, but hyped up! (insert big cheesy grin)

Happy Friday!!!!!!

Better than any junk food

After my lunch time walk, I was so inspired to come back for one more post. Walking with my music going (Pitbull, Shakira, LMFAO, old school reggae), the sun shining on me, breathing in fresh air....coming back to my desk to eat a healthy lunch....my muscles twitching from the activity, feeling ALIVE....it's the best feeling in the world.

Hi guys, beautiful weather lately! Although there is a creepy Steven King-like fog going on, I’ll take it! Yesterday was a good day all in all. We had a pizza & cake luncheon AGAIN at my job, of course I declined. Went for my walk instead. Listened to my co-workers offering me pizza and cake the whole afternoon, went in one ear and out the other. No people, I DON’T WANT PIZZA. I DON’T WANT CAKE. Why is that so shocking?? Leave me alone! LOL

I am so glad I started losing weight in January now that spring is here, and it’s unseasonably warm. Thank God I got that jump start. While I have a long way to go, I’m closer than I was two months ago!

Weekend's almost here! :)

So I finally decided to bite the bullet and get another pair of pants. I found a pair at Avenue on sale, plus I had a 40 percent off coupon - came out to ten bucks! But the best news is: your girl got herself a size 16!!!

Yup, that's right. Last time I went shopping there a few months ago , I had to get a size 24!

Don't give up!

This is not directed towards my regulars, and I don’t know if anyone else reads this blog, but I’ve noticed quite a change in the blogging world this month in terms of attitude. I guess everyone was hyped and all gung-ho with the new year, and many people are starting to get derailed and are falling off track. Don’t do it, people! Keep fighting and pushing yourself! Spring is officially here, summer is around the corner, and you have a chance to feel more comfortable in your own skin for it. Time is going to pass quickly regardless, make good use of it! Think of how much better you will feel in a couple of months, let alone a year from now. Like one of my favorite sayings goes: “Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. Choose your hard.” I know it’s not easy, it’s definitely not easy for me, but the alternative is so much worse! If you’ve lost your motivation, start back up today and keep going! We are all fighting for the same goal, you are not alone in this.

Okay, just had to get it out.

To my peeps, keep up the good work! You all inspire me every day to leave my comfort zone and push myself even more. We are going to own this summer.

Monday, Monday

Happy Monday! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend! Mine was pretty uneventful, didn’t do much but errands and stuff. I’m just happy for the beautiful weather forecasted for this week, it’s going to make my walks so much more enjoyable.

So, this morning I decided to have a single serving size of honey nut cheerios instead of my usual regular cheerios, it’s a ¾ cup prepackaged serving. I figured it was okay, it only had 9 grams of sugar, and I had it with skim milk and sliced strawberries. Ummm, big mistake. It tasted way too cloyingly sweet, and actually made me nauseous. I even broke into a little sweat! My sugar intake in two months has been MINIMAL, so I guess my body got used to that. Well, I won’t be eating honey nut cheerios any time soon.

I’m kind of going through a fashion dilemma when it comes to my pants. The majority of my pants are way too big. I have maybe three that fit me well. I have some in the closet that are not even close to fitting yet, but maybe in a month or so. I don’t really have the money for new pants with everything I have going on right now. Now, this is a “good” problem to have, but I’ll just have to look a little funny for a while!

Well, I plan on taking things up another notch for this week with exercise. Last week, I exercised 6 days in a row, but didn’t push myself as much as usual from being sick. Now I’m ready to get it done!

Two months down

Today makes two months since the start of this blog and the changes I have made. On 1/17, I weighed in at 244.5. Today I weighed in at 214. I have a long way to go, but I'm closer and closer to making my goal of 144.5 (100 pounds lost) on 10/28 (the day we leave for Disney). I have a lot of work ahead of me, I'm just beginning, but I will get there.

I want to thank all of you who've given me support these past two months. You guys have definitely contributed to my success so far! I re-read your comments on days that I feel a little low or down, and it lifts me right back up. Thank you!

Happy St. Patty's Day everyone, enjoy your weekend!

Well, at least it's Friday.

Woah, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. The weather is dreary; I woke up achy; my co-workers are annoying the crap out of me; a vendor is not complying with our insurance requirements for a project I’m handling and has been calling & e-mailing me all morning to torture me with nonsense; JC and I got into a little argument on the phone just now……Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

God, just get me through the end of this day without flipping out on someone.

Busy Busy Bee!

I have a lot of things coming up in the next few months. I’m throwing JC a pizza party for her birthday on March 31st, I’m doing a cute Toy Story theme because that is her favorite Disney movie, and it’s really more for the kids in the family to have fun. I will have pizza, cake and goodies for everyone, but I will order myself a grilled chicken salad. I have too many goals to reach that I don’t want to throw myself off with a night of pizza. Then in April we have the Easter egg hunt, and pics with the Easter bunny at the Queens Farm Museum. It’s so cute for the little ones. Then of course spend Easter day with the family. The rest of April I have two baby showers. In May, I have the cancer walk, another baby shower and our anniversary. In June, I have a baby shower and two graduation parties, one of which we are hosting for JC’s daughter. In July is Independence Day and Dylan’s Baptism. I don’t have anything planned for August or September YET. October is Dylan’s Birthday and our Disney trip!! I like having so much to look forward to!

I did the Biggest Loser workout last night, I haven’t done that one in a few days. I was surprised at my progress. I was able to do all of the jumping jacks, including the ones holding a weight. I was able to get into an actual plank position and not have to modify, except for the ones that you do a pushup and then turn your body LOL. The cardio didn’t kick my ass as much as last week. I can’t wait to be able to do all of the plank workouts!! I hope I will get to that point!

A new day :)

I feel 100 times better today, woo-hoo. The cold I caught from Dylan actually got a little worse, but I’ll take that any day over a stomach bug. I gained half a pound from yesterday’s loss of 4 pounds, I actually expected more since I drank 14 cups of water, and ate lunch & dinner. I weighed 215 this morning! I hope it stays that way and continues, I am going to bust my ass for this rest of this week for my weigh in on Sunday for Allan’s challenge.

At the rate I’m going, I should be out of the 200’s in two months, maybe even less than two months! I can’t WAIT for the day I see a 1 as the first number! This morning I realized I was excited to get dressed for work. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt this way???????? I looked forward to choosing a cute shirt, and getting my accessories together. I’ve been so accustomed to just throwing on whatever and barely looking in the mirror. Now I’m wearing some of the clothes I’ve saved since 2007, it’s been that long since I’ve worn them. I’m feeling like a new girl already, and I haven’t even reached the two month anniversary of when I started all this. I have a lot of fun events coming up, and I’m actually looking forward to them rather then dreading them because I’m ashamed of myself.

Last night, my favorite PJ pants fell off of me to the floor when I was walking. Now THAT made me smile.

So, despite the stomach bug I caught last night, despite the three hours of sleep I got, despite the fact that I couldn’t stomach eating anything before lunch…I took my 50 minute walk. I went a little slower than usual, because I felt weak and a little shaky, but I couldn’t deal with NOT doing it. I haven’t skipped a day during the work week since 1/17. You know what? I feel a little better! Maybe the fresh air did me some good.

The bathroom was my BFF last night

OMG what a night. On Friday, Dylan had a stomach bug. It was insane, he even threw up all over my face and hair. I thought I managed to escape getting it, but of course I caught it last night. Plus Dylan would not sleep at all until after 1am. I was up until 4am throwing up and everything. Good times. I lost 4 pounds since yesterday, and I know it’s all water and will come right back after all the water I drink today. I felt a little better when I woke up, weak & exhausted, but I dragged my big butt to work. I have no appetite right now, maybe I will by lunch time. The stomach bug’s been going around in my area, hope you guys don’t get it too!

Baby Brain

To somewhat expand a little on my post this morning, I now have babies on the brain. I won’t be trying until January, but that’s only 10 months away. My son will be barely over two, wow. Now, I don’t know how long it will take before I get pregnant, but I’m excited just thinking about it. I’m already looking up exercises that are fine during pregnancy and researching recommended caloric intakes. My lifestyle now is one I want to continue forever, and I’m not going to abandon it while I’m pregnant. I will continue to exercise as long as I can (it may be a little harder once the waddle sets in LOL), albeit at a slower pace and maybe not twice a day LOL, and I will continue to count my calories. I will make sure to get adequate nutrition for the baby, and drink lots of water like I’m doing now. Instead of fearing I will gain all my weight back, I have a sense of control and know that I won’t let that happen. Of course some weight gain is inevitable, but I am going to aim for 20-25 pounds. Agghhhhhh, I can’t wait!

When I was pregnant before, I wished I would have lost the weight before doing it. I didn’t gain a lot while pregnant, but I just didn’t feel great. Especially in the middle of summer, Ugghhh. I am excited happy that this time around I will be healthy and in shape. Maybe it will even help me in delivery! I know I am getting ahead of myself, but I’m excited to see how pregnancy will be at a normal and healthy weight.

Oh boy, I have a lot to look forward to in the near future. I just have to keep doing what I’m doing, and remember WHY I’m doing it and I will get to my goal. Life has been going good for me recently, and I hope it only gets better! *knock on wood*

Florida or New York...Florida or New York....

So JC’s brothers moved to Florida last year. JC’s sister and mother have been talking about moving as well all of the time. She called me up just now to tell me that they are moving there by October. JC’s mom watches Dylan while we work during the week, so we have to find alternative child care. By then he will be two, so he will be eligible for a day care that we both feel comfortable with, they are reputable and have been around forever. The thing is, now JC really wants to move to Florida as well. In a way, I do too. I lived in Miami for a little while as a kid, but we moved back to NY. I loved Florida while I was there, but I was 10, so I’m not sure I would love it now. I do think the quality of life may be a little better than what we have now. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to afford a house living in Queens, but it’s possible in Florida.

There would be a few things we have to take care of before we go. JC has to adopt Dylan, we need to have another baby and have JC adopt that baby as well before we go. I don’t trust the Florida courts so I need to make sure that happens before we go. If we really DO want to move to Florida, we need to try for another baby in the beginning of 2013. I didn’t think I would be trying so soon, but we don’t want it to be years before we go.

I am kind of ambivalent about whether or not to move. I want to get out of NYC at some point in my life, I know that. I would hate not living near my sisters or friends, but I have always wanted to move. I love NY, it will always be “home” to me, but I need a change. I guess worst case scenario is we move and if we don’t like it, we come back. Life is too short not to take chances. We are probably close to two years before we go, but we have to get a lot of stuff in order before we make the jump.

I am glad I’m getting in shape now before I get pregnant again, and before we move! I remember the heat out there all too well, and with that comes less clothing! LOL

Weigh-in Day

I weighed in this morning at 219.5! I lost 3 pounds this week, making my total loss in Allan's Challenge so far at 5.5 pounds, yay! I'm finally out of the 220's! Woot-woot!

I weighed 249.5 on 1/1/12, and weigh 30 pounds less on 3/11/12. That makes me so happy.

By the way, I did The Firm Calorie Explosion last night. Woah. Wayyyy harder than I expected. Great workout! I got it for 3.99, so it was so worth the money. It competed with Jillian and Bob in my eyes! If anyone's close by, Marshall's in Rego Park Queens still have some I believe!

There is more to me than what you see

I blog a lot about fun & frivolous things...hand bags, clothes, Disney, etc. These are all things that I love, and booking my trip to Disney was the catalyst to get this blog and journey started. It gave me that push, but it's not what will keep me continuing on my path to healthiness. At some point, I will get to my goal size, and the novelty of wearing all these cute clothes will wear off. These are things I look forward to, and keep me going for now, but there has to be something more that will keep this weight off of me forever.

I was with my mom in the oncologist's office when she was given her stage 4 pancreatic cancer diagnosis. It was there I learned of the history of cancer in my mother's side of the family. My grandfather died of Leukemia in his thirties. My grandmother had and beat ovarian cancer in her thirties, and later beat skin cancer. My mom passed away at 50 from cancer. My 30 year old sister has to go every 6 months to get a pap smear because she has been found with precancerous cells, in fact she needs a biopsy done AGAIN next week because they found something suspicious in her last exam.

I am scared shitless for myself. I know that my risk of getting cancer is pretty high with all of this in my family. In fact, I had a precancerous mole removed from my skin in my early twenties, thank God I don't have skin cancer (I hope). The biggest risk factors for pancreatic cancer are: a family history, smoking, and obesity. I have two out of three. For a few months after she passed, I felt hopeless. I felt it was only a matter of time that I would get cancer too. Every little twinge I felt in my stomach, I panicked. I ate & ate, figuring what was the point.

Then I woke up.

My son was not a happy "accident" after forgetting to take a birth control pill one day. My partner and I desperately wanted to have a child, but being two mommies, it wouldn't happen unless we made it happen. I read, and read, and read and researched for years on what to do. I cried and prayed about it before we even tried because we are not totally financially well off, and I was afraid it would take so many tries for me to get pregnant, and we wouldn't be able to afford it. Finally, on a random day in January of 2010, I was walking my dog on a Saturday afternoon. I was thinking, and realized I would get just enough money on my tax refund check for one try. I called up J at work and asked if we could give it a shot. She said yes, and I set my plan into motion. I took Clomid to induce ovulation, I kept track of my ovulation, I took prenatal vitamins, chose a donor from a bank and I prayed. It worked on our first try at home.

If you've kept up with my blog, it's probably plain to see that my son is my everything and the world to me. If I don't get this weight off, I will vastly increase my chances of getting cancer. I can't let this happen. If I go at the age my mom did, my son will only be 18 years old. The panic I feel when I think of this leaves me breathless. I have to do whatever it takes to prevent this from happening. If I get cancer despite being as healthy as I can be, than it was out of my hands. But if I let myself go completely, live the rest of my life obese, and then get cancer?? That will kill me. I can't do that to my son. I will not be any better than Whitney Houston who left her 18 year old daughter behind. If I get cancer because I couldn't stop eating crap, I will be just as bad as any drug addict, maybe even worse because maybe HE will follow my footsteps because I wasn't a good role model.

I did whatever I could to bring a child to this Earth, and I need to make sure I do whatever I can to stay here on this Earth to be with him.

Typical day at work, part two

The pictures below are what I see every single day at my job. Our company provides us with free snacks and soda cans every day. I used to have at least two of those snacks each day, plus at least two sodas. I used to feel pretty good about the snacks: “Fig Newtons have fruit!”, “It’s a 100 calorie pack!”, etc. That’s in addition to what used to be my typical bacon, egg & cheese on a roll breakfast, and Chinese or pizza for lunch. My co-workers munch on those snacks all day long in front of me. I haven't even had one since 1/16.

Our company also provides us with single servings cups of cereal. Many days, I eat a single serving of Cheerios with fruit or I will have two hardboiled eggs instead of the cereal. Mid-morning snack is a piece of fruit; lunch is usually turkey and a half a slice of cheese with romaine and light mayo on a whole wheat sandwich thin; afternoon snack is sliced cucumber with white vinegar, salt & pepper and garlic powder. I only drink water, seltzer or unsweetened tea. I’m not even kidding when I say I look forward to my healthy meals and snacks. I don’t feel weighed down and sluggish, but I am way more full with what I eat now, than with what I used to eat. Ironic, right?

Woot-woot, Friday!

Oh my goodness, I am sooooo sore! Yesterday, I did my usual 55 minute lunch break walk, and then did the Biggest Loser DVD at home. It hurt while doing it because of the 30 Day Shred workout the day before, but I did it anyway. I woke up this morning in pain, but felt better after a really hot shower. Oh man, Jillian has kicked my ass! I am going to do my walk during lunch; today is my MIL’s birthday, so I can’t exercise tonight also, but I will focus on a lot of cardio this weekend.

I’m not sure who this person is, but I’ve become pretty addicted to working out lately. I always walk during my lunch break, even if it’s raining, and I get fidgety if I can’t workout at night also. A huge departure from the couch potato I was last year!!

Well, it’s Friday and I’m going to enjoy my weekend, hope you guys do the same!

Me against Jillian

I'm alive!

That's right, I made it through 30 Day Shred, day 1 LOL. It was no joke, the toughest workout I've done so far, mainly because of the jumping jacks, "jump rope" and pushups. I had to do girly pushups, and there were a few jumping jacks that got left out, but I pushed myself and completed it to the end. I took a really hot shower last night and this morning to try and prevent being crippled by soreness, and I think it worked! This DVD is definitely making it in my weekly routine, at least 2 or 3 days out of the week. When I get to the point that I can do all of the jumping jacks and can do the pushups the regular way I will try the next phase. That might take two years (kidding! LOL) but I will get there.

Four months from today is my son's Christening. I pledge to fit into my size 14 clothes by then. I need to bust my ass, but it will get done. True story.

It is GORGEOUS in Queens today!

Okay people, I have to admit: I’M SCARED!

If all goes according to plan, I will be trying the 30 Day Shred DVD tonight. Please keep me in your prayers tonight!! LOL

It's a good day.. :)

Woot-woot! I scored last night at Marshall's! I got three The Firm DVD's for $3.99 each, and a cookbook for healthy slow-cooker recipes for $3.99! I was sooooooo excited when I found the DVD's, I paid $15 for each of my other ones at home. I started out with no workout DVD's at the beginning of this, and now I have eight to choose from: two Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home; Julianne Hough's Just Dance, Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, Biggest Loser At Home Challenge; and the three Firm DVD's. I have a nice variety, and I shouldn't be bored any time soon!

I took the pic below this morning, I'm wearing pants that haven't fit me since 2008!

My heart

So, let me tell you a little bit about my munchkin. Dylan is 16 months old, and definitely a toddler! He loves to run around the house, a fun thing for him to do is run up and down my hallway. He isn’t talking too much yet, he says about 4 words, but he’s starting to mimic me. He is such a typical boy. He loves cars, trucks & trains. He loves to play catch. His favorite shows are Blues Clues, Sesame Street, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Pocoyo and Thomas & Friends. He is very affectionate, and gives me hugs & cuddles. His absolute favorite toys are his Thomas trains, he will even fall asleep holding them. I am already starting to plan his 2nd birthday party in October, the day before we leave for WDW, of course it will be a Thomas the Train party! I adore my little man with all my heart, and he is a big reason for why I am losing this weight. I want to be healthy for him, he’s already keeping me on my toes!

Here’s a few pics of him taken recently {notice the pic of him asleep with his trains LOL}:

After yesterday, my head is totally back in the game. I stayed on plan, and rocked my workout, so I made it through the day. I'm proud that I hung on, and I'm even prouder for kicking butt with the Biggest Loser workout. I couldn't finish the workout on Saturday, but finished it to the end last night. I surprised myself. It's not a workout that I will do daily because it has A LOT of squats and lunges, I don't think that much repetiveness will be good on my knees each day
, but I will do it at least 2-3 times a week in addition to my other workout DVD's. Damn, I sweated a lot last night!! It was a great buy!

I lost 2.5 pounds last week during the Eat At Your Goal Weight challenge, and I am going to strive for 3 pounds this week. Going to get this done!!

I hung on.

So, I had a great weekend. We had J's mom, daughter and granddaughter over for dinner on Saturday. I made healthy tacos and they were a hit. Sunday, we got up early for church, went back home to make breakfast, met up with my sisters and cousin in Staten Island for the St. Patrick's Day parade, had lunch, then went to my other cousin's house for his birthday. I made good choices yesterday for lunch at Wendy's; I had a baked potato with low fat sour cream, small chili and grilled chicken go wrap with water. At my cousin's house, I turned down the {Spumoni Gardens!!!} pizza and the ice cream.

Today, I kind of went through the ringer, emotionally. For the first time since this diet I craved the wrong things big time and have felt extremely lazy. I am home today from work and haven't been as motivated as usual. I put two & two together and realized that (TMI alert) I am ovulating, and I usually experience cravings and fatigue during this time.

However, I didn't do anything stupid. Stuck to my meal plan for the day. Going to workout after dinner is prepared. There was some mental warfare going on but thank God I didn't give in.

Speaking of working out, I did the Biggest Loser At Home Challenge DVD this weekend and LOVED it. What a good workout! Definitely doing it tonight!

Great night all around!

The party was so much fun! It was a Bantry Bay Publick House in Long Island City. The theme for the Sweet 16 was Beauty & The Beast, and she looked adorable in a yellow ball gown. The music was great, and I managed to get my dance on a few times. It was great seeing old friends, and my son Dylan had a great time for the most part. The food was really good, it was a buffet and I did really well. I had half a piece of chicken Francese, some sliced steak and steamed veggies. Just drank water. I weighed the same this morning, so I am happy! All in all, a great night.

This is me before we left for the party, I'm wearing a coat my mom bought for my birthday a few years ago, but didn't fit until now!

I could get used to this!

Okay, so I mentioned that I have a Sweet 16 tonight. It is at 8pm, and I won’t have time to go home and change because I have to pick up something for my MIL, get the baby and meet up with J before we go, so I am wearing the outfit for the party. Nothing special: a nice top, boot cut black pants, pearl necklace, boots. Hair is loose and curly, makeup is done. I am wearing a shirt that I haven’t fit into for a few years, so it feels new to me! LOL

Anyway, my co-workers have been showering me with compliments all day, there has been a perpetual blush on my face! I have to admit, I like what I see in the mirror today! It is the most amazing feeling. When I was younger and fit, I used to go out at least 3 times a week, I loved getting dressed to go dancing! But I have been in such a slump until now, and didn’t like the way I looked. I am still far from my goal weight, but you know what? I feel freaking pretty today. I could get used to this again.

That is all!

Love Fridays :)

Happy Friday!

So, the night before I tried Julianne Hough's Just Dance. I liked it a lot! In the intro, she gives you a mini lesson of certain steps that will be in the workout, she breaks it down very slowly and repeats it so you can get the hang of it. In the warm up, it brought me back to my days as a teenager in dance class, we did head rolls, hip rolls, stretching, etc. Once we got started things moved very quickly, and while it took a bit for me to catch on to the steps, when I did I loved it! I managed to finish three quarters of the workout before my son had a mini meltdown and I had to squash my hopes of completing it. Let me tell you, I burned up quite a sweat! I love my Walk at Home workouts, but this workout definitely pushed me farther than I've gone thus far. I am definitely going to do it again this weekend, and I will try the Biggest Loser At Home Challenge workout as well.

Last night my sister and I went to my mom's old favorite spot for dinner, Roll n Roaster in Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn. I've always ordered the same thing when I go there, cheeseburger, cheese fries and a large sweetened iced tea. Not this time! I ordered a grilled chicken salad with some grilled onions on top and a bottled water. I loved it and was perfectly happy! Times have changed...

Tonight we are going to a Sweet 16. I'm not sure what will be on the menu, but I know it's a buffet. I hope there is at least a salad or veggies there, I am not going to indulge in anything crappy. My focus will be on socializing with friends, chasing my toddler around and dancing as much as I can! Mama hasn't been out in over 2 years, watch out people! LOL

The challenge is going great, I'm staying under my calorie allowance, drinking at least 110 ounces of water a day and logging it all in. I like the structure of the plan!

Happy Birthday Mommy {this is a long one}

Today would have been my mom’s 51st birthday. It is a day full of mixed emotions. On one hand, I have been crying since this morning, and missing her so much. On the other, I feel proud because of things I am doing in her honor.

Let me tell you a little about my mom, Sharon. Her and her two siblings grew up in a children’s home in Brooklyn because her mom decided she couldn’t take care of them. My mom’s father passed away in his thirties from leukemia. She lived in the home until she was 18, at that point she met my father, got married and had me. She had my two sisters in the next four years. My father was very abusive, and put us through a lot until I kicked him out of the house when I was 19. Yup, I did it. I left college and worked three jobs to help support my mom and sisters. My youngest sister was born severely mentally retarded, my mom could not work because she had to care for her. My sister is almost like a baby to this day, she is 28 years old but has to wear diapers, drink from a bottle, be fed, bathed and dressed. She can’t speak, and has the intelligence of a child. My mom took care of her until the day she was admitted into the hospital last April when she was diagnosed with cancer.

My mom was such a good person, the best one I know. I’m not just saying that because she’s gone, she really was. Despite everything we went through growing up, she showed us love, taught us values and morals, was so strong, made us into the people we are today. For the past few years, she kept saying she wanted a grandchild, and was so excited the day I got my positive test. She went shopping right away! You have no idea how much she spoiled my baby before he was even born, I probably wouldn’t have needed a baby shower because of her, but she threw me one anyway. She adored her grandson, and was so happy when he was born. He has red hair, just like her! The last time she saw him was Easter, shortly after she was admitted to the hospital.

We went through so much from April 29th the day she was diagnosed and admitted, until the day she passed away May 18th. She had a stent put in, went through her first round of chemo with a picc line, caught pneumonia, and was finally released on May 14th. We spent that weekend with her at her home, but she was sleeping almost the whole time. A day later, she went to the ER because she had trouble breathing. While at the ER a few hours later, her heart stopped. We weren’t in the room at the time, she sent us away to eat lunch. When we came back from lunch, she was on life support. We were screaming at the doctors to tell us what happened, but no one helped us until the head doctor came in. He said her heart stopped while he was talking to her, and they revived her, but that he didn’t think she would make it much longer. We were in shock, we were JUST talking to her, and she seemed okay! While in the room with her, her heart stopped twice, and both times they revived her in front of us. To say that was traumatizing is putting it mildly.

They transferred her to the ICU, when we spoke to that head doctor he told us that she was essentially brain dead. He said the only thing keeping her alive was the life support, but that she was not with us. He asked if we wanted them to revive her when her heart stopped again, and my sister & I didn’t want to put her through that if what he was saying was true. We spent the day in the hospital with her and were told to go home and get some sleep.

When we went back to the hospital the next morning, she had awakened from her coma!! After being told she was brain dead, we were shocked! She couldn’t speak because she was on life support, but was able to gesture to us. We found out the all of her organs were failing, and that she wouldn't live much longer. My mom was asked if she wanted to continue with intervention or just be given palliative care. She did not want any further intervention, and knew she would pass away soon. I was able to tell her all I wanted to tell her (as much as I could since I was crying non-stop), she gestured for a hug, and wanted to see a picture of my son. Soon after she slipped out of consciousness again.

My sister and I spent the whole night at her bedside, and I held her hand the whole time. She passed away the next morning.

I know this was a long post, but it was cathartic for me to write it. I am trying to do the best I can to honor her, and make her proud. We are doing the pancreatic cancer research walk, and have already raised $800! I am getting healthy because I want to do whatever I can to live a long life to be with my son as long as I can. I even bought the 30 Day Shred workout DVD because she loved it and would do it. She was always working on being healthy, and I want to emulate her.

One thing I learned is that life is way too short, and we need to make the most of it while we are here. Tell our loved ones how much we love them. Take time out to have vacations and make memories with our families. Live our lives the best way possible so that when we go there are no regrets.

Here is my beautiful mom and me as a baby….{sorry for the cropping, my aunt sent it to me like this today}