Day One

I am starting over, beginning today. In these past few weeks, I have had great days and then really bad ones. I have had good intentions, and then let them go over and over. I have been under an ENORMOUS amount of stress due to finances because of unexpected things that have popped up and it has been very difficult. I always find a way to resolve things, and it always works out, but in the mean time I have lost almost all of my will and motivation. It’s like, I can have strength for so many things, but not all at the same time. That’s ridiculous to me, I need to be strong in ALL areas of my life.

I’m not writing this for you guys to hold my hand or even virtually kick my ass because you’ve done enough for me in all this time. I am writing this to be accountable and honest. I am starting over with a clean slate today. I weighed in at 205 this morning. There is no way I will reach my goal of 185 by July 8^th for the Christening. I am not going to set a specific weight goal by a certain time frame anymore. I am just focusing on doing what worked for me all of this time up until recently: tracking my food intake, exercising twice a day, drinking only water, seltzer & unsweetened tea. I am going to weigh in here every Sunday. Thank you guys for being there for me in the past, and hopefully giving me a second chance at this.

I have to start working on this...

For Christmas, my SIL gave me a $30 gift card to Lane Bryant. For some reason, I did not want to use it until I could wear the smallest size in the store, a 14. At the time, I was a size 24. I put the card in my wallet, and refused to touch it until then.

A little less than 6 months later, I bought a size 14 yesterday. I tried on a few styles in that size to make sure I was in fact a size 14. I was finally able to use the card!

I have been experiencing a lack of confidence lately, but I have to step back and be proud of what I have accomplished. I can’t forget where I started out from during those days that I feel a little down on myself for not quite being out of plus sizes yet.

I think the universe is trying to shake me out of the little confidence funk I've been in. On Friday, an elderly Russian lady called me beautiful during my walk. This morning while I was walking from the garage to my office, a guy called me beautiful and asked if he could take me out (of course not interested, but it felt nice! LOL). In many ways, I still feel like I’m a size 24 and 249 pounds. Logically, I know I’m not…but emotionally is a different story sometimes. It is definitely something I have to work on!

30 Days!!

I’m ba-a-a-a-ck!

As you might suspect, things have been really hectic for me. At work, at home, events, stress. I’m exhausted from everything I have going on at the moment. But despite all of that, I am setting up a 30 day challenge for myself. In a month from today, I will be celebrating my son’s Christening. As I wrote about before, I want to look and feel great that day, especially because I’m having a photographer to capture the moments! I want to get down to 185, and I know it’s definitely in my reach. So, I am going to commit to doing at least one hard workout each day for this entire month. I am in the mood to step it up with fitness, so I am going to use some of you as inspiration, especially Kelly, Norma and Jenn. You guys never slack off even when things are a little rocky!

I am going to try to be more involved with blogging as before, I used to have more time during work hours, but now I have double the work so it’s not as easy. I miss you guys!!!

So, 30 days to get down to 185. I can do this!!

I'm still kicking! :)

Thanks to Channie for checking in on me! I realized I should write a post so you guys don’t think I’ve slipped into bloggy oblivion. The truth is, I have been putting a lot of focus into refocusing myself. I came to the realization that the month of May was a complete wash. Stayed the same weight for a couple of weeks (197), and something had to give. So for the past few days, I have been shifting my focus back onto myself, my goals and what I want to accomplish.

For some reason doing so has been a little mentally exhausting, but it reminds me of my first days back in January when I was amping myself up to begin transforming myself. It took a lot of intensity to get to that point back then, and it seems that it has been taking that same intensity this time around.

I have not fallen off the wagon, I have actually been going the opposite direction.  I am getting this train rolling again. That’s why I’ve been MIA, but that won’t stay that way! It’s just been a time of self-reflection, and remembering why I started this in the first place.

Q & A

Thank you for giving me some stuff to write about!

Jenn, I actually paid for my Disney trip with my tax refund check! Otherwise, there would be NO way we would be able to go, I wouldn’t be able to save enough for the trip package, park tickets, airfare, spending money, etc. But I chose to go on an off-peak time in October, we are staying at Pop Century which is a Disney value resort, and we don’t have to rent a car because Disney drives us to and from the airport, and provides buses to the parks. Also, we are going during a time that free dining is typically offered, so we will only have to pay out of pocket for a few special meals that I reserved. BTW, I had NO idea that I would have to make dining reservations 6 months ahead of time! I just found that out, and managed to score two reservations that I wanted. One for a Winnie the Pooh character breakfast brunch at Crystal Palace in the Magic Kingdom, and one for T-Rex at Downtown Disney. Since we are celebrating Dylan’s 2^nd birthday there, I wanted to do a few special things. But I know EXACTLY what you mean about it being pricey! I think January may be a little more expensive than October as well.

I am still stressing out over money because I need to pay for our plane tickets,  save up spending money, plus I need to buy tickets for the Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party for Halloween night, aarrgghhhhhh! But we’ll make it work, we always find a way! This trip is so important to me because JC and I have NEVER been on a trip together, and we will be together 9 years this month! It is also our first family trip as a family with the baby, and we are celebrating his birthday and mine as well! Lastly, it was the reason I started losing weight and this blog, and my goal is to weigh 145 for the trip! We could have stayed off-property to save a lot of money, but this vacation is long over due, and I wanted to do the whole Disney magic shebang!

Tiff, the job is going well! I am adjusting to the new responsibilities, and am getting comfortable. There has been some craziness (yesterday was a bad day), but I think I like it better than before because I interact with people more often now. Sitting at the front desk, I have to greet whoever walks in the door, and it makes the day goes so much faster. I miss having more freedom like before, but I was told it is temporary, so I’m biding my time. And it would be great to meet you in FL, maybe we can set up some plans! I am actually meeting Rae Rae there as well, she is going to Disney a little after me!

Kelly, I can’t wait to meet you! Even if it’s brunch (hee hee, I know you just LOVE it! LOL), or whatever.  We shall make plans very soon!!! Maybe at a Tommy Bikram session! LOL Well, that may not be the best time for a first meet up!

Thanks for the questions, ladies! And if anyone else has some, feel free to ask!

?

I am kind of in a bloggy rut, don’t want to feel like I am writing the same things over and over. Soooo, I am opening up the floor to you! If you have any questions that you would like to ask me (anything), or would like me to write about a specific topic, let me know! I need to have some fresh stuff on this blog!

A Friday Quickie

This morning, I weighed 197, so I recovered from my setback. According to my ticker, I am half way to my goal! 52 pounds lost, 52 more to go! I like the sound of that. :)

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom's passing, and I have mixed emotions. I am sad, but I also feel a sense of relief that I made it through the whole year for some strange reason. I am going to spend the day in a way she would like, being happy & having dinner with my sister tonight. She wants to look for a Christening outfit for Dylan, because she is his Godmother, so we're going to try and find one tonight. Not sure how that will go because he's a big boy now (he wears 2T), but if all else fails we'll just go with white shirt and shorts. It's going to be in July, so that will work!

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend!