Dylan's Baptism

Hello!

Peeking at my Grandma

Peek-a-boo!

Next to my Godmother, my Aunt Jenn!

Getting ready for the big moment!

Loves my kisses from Mama JC

With my Godparents

Oh boy, it begins!

Help!

I made it through!

Loving on my Mommy

My Mommy with her Goddaughter Haley

Trying to make a run for it!

My Godparents

Getting into mischief

The whole crew



My Mommy with Aunt Jenn



Mommy with my sister Rosie (Mama JC's daughter)

My Godparents, parents and I



The Three Musketeers

Thanks for checking out my pics!

Love, Dylan



Yesterday was Dylan’s first IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan) meeting, and it went GREAT! The meeting was attended by my family of three, Early Intervention coordinator and social worker and someone from NYC board of Early Intervention services to grant the services to me. The lady from the city loved my family for some reason, and gave us even more services then they usually do, instead of Speech and OT therapy twice a week he will get it three times a week in addition to the 10 hours of ABA therapy (until he gets a little older and will be 20) a week. Early Intervention seemed surprised that she gave us so much, the social worker said: “Really?! Wow!”…So I take it that means the meeting was a success for us! Yayyyy for Dylan!!

Thennnn, I saw some info on my coupon saving groups online that they suspected Target’s twice a year unadvertised 70% off certain toys clearance was on. So I hustled to the nearest one to see if I could score a couple of things for Dylan’s birthday and Christmas and I hit the jackpot. I got a Thomas the train track set for $13 and Jungle Junction track set for $15! They were originally $50 each! I would have bought them for him anyway as gifts, but I saved $70. These sets are SO expensive, but he loves them, so I almost did a jig in the aisle. One for his birthday and one for Christmas. Just need to buy him a few extras and he will be set.

And now today is Friday, so the weekend’s almost here! The weather is looking sketchy this weekend so I may not be able to go to the pow wow, but we’ll find something fun to do. I got the CD of pics last night from the Baptism so I will share some with you guys this weekend if I can. I didn't cry when I saw the pics, so glad I lost the weight that I did even though I still have much more to go. There are some really cute and funny pics to share!

My pants are getting looser again, and I am firmly back on track with my diet and happy to be there. I have plenty of healthy food at home to enjoy this weekend.

 Happy Friday guys!

I woke up this morning with this sense of overwhelming JOY. I don’t even know why, but I like it! I’m not even annoyed at the crazy/pissed off tenants I have to field calls from and greet at the front desk and I just have this urge to hug everyone I see. But I shall curb that urge, don’t worry! LOL

I am so happy to be back on the weight loss track, and getting to my goal. So I’ve lost 50 pounds, but I still have 50 more pounds to lose. I am halfway there already, so it’s just a matter of hard work and time!

This weekend, there is a Native-American pow-wow at the Queens Farm, I am looking forward to going with JC and Dylan. There will be performances, crafts and native jewelry. Perhaps I can get JC to get me something pretty! ;)

:)

Sometimes, people have a way of surprising me. You know how I was transferred to a different department a couple of months ago? Well, I have two supervisors because I actually do two different jobs, and have one boss for each job. Yesterday, I sent an e-mail to one of the supervisors who is much higher in rank and is the one I report to if I need to take time off. I explained that my son was diagnosed with autism, and that is why I have been out a couple of days here and there because of evaluations and appointments. I asked for Thursday off because I have a big meeting to discuss his diagnosis and to establish the services. She has a reputation for being hard, cold and quite frankly – a bitch, so I was NERVOUS sending her the e-mail, but knew I had to let her know what was going on so she didn’t think I was frivolously taking a lot of time off. She asked me to come to her office, and then told me I can take whatever time I need to take, and encouraged me a lot with stories of a family member who has autism and is succeeding. She actually made me cry because she gave me a lot of hope, and told me if I ever need to talk I can come to her. This is the same person who co-workers warned me not to work for because how mean she can be, yet she has been the most helpful person I have spoken with about my son.

I received a call yesterday from one of the professionals from Early Intervention who had evaluated Dylan, and she recommended to me not to start Dylan off with 20 hours of ABA therapy in ADDITION to the Speech and OT therapy he will receive. She said I should start him off with 10 hours a week, because he is still a baby and needs nap times, and just some down time. She said that I can increase it in a few months once he gets used to it, but she is afraid if we go gung-ho right off that bat then Dylan may shut down and not want to do anything. She said ABA is very “in the child’s face” and she doesn’t know if he can handle so much so soon. I am happy that she told me that because I was having my own concerns about it. He’s not even two yet! She said to let him adjust and we can take it from there. That eased a lot of concern that I’ve had, but didn’t know what to do before because everyone is telling me something different, but I respect her opinion.

We spent hours in the ER last night because JC spit up blood twice, and we wanted to make sure everything was okay with the gall bladder surgery she had last Thursday. It turned out that it was probably from irritation from the anesthesia being administered, so I am relieved. Dylan ended up spending the night at Grandma’s (JC’s mom) house because we got home past midnight. My baby’s first sleepover!!!! Never again!!! I missed him too much. I know I am exaggerating, but I am a helicopter mom unfortunately LOL.

I don’t want to jinx myself, but I think things are really going to start looking up for my family. We are getting Dylan help at a super early age, I am finding out about lots of resources in my area, JC and I are growing stronger….I am really counting my blessings. Plus, I am looking forward to being hot by Christmas time! LOL

5 months left

So we’re near the end of July, almost August. Before you know it, summer will be over. I can’t believe how much time has passed since I started this ol’ blog. 6 months! In that time, I have lost 50 pounds, and kept it off despite the chaos that has taken place these past few months. I’m very proud of that, but I would be prouder if I kept at it in the same pace. I haven’t gone off the deep end or thrown away all of the good habits I’ve established, I just haven’t been fighting for it. I should weigh much less than I do now, if I had kept going I would have. My options are:

(A) Keep maintaining.

(B) Throw in the towel.

(C) Get my ass in gear.

I don’t know if I can get back that inner rock star of the winter/spring months because my mind is quite consumed with my son and getting his services established at the moment, but I would like to finish what I started. I want to finish 2012 at 50 pounds less than what I weigh now. I want to start 2013 being fit, which I what I wished for back on January 17^th, the day I started this blog. I have 5 months left, so it can be done. I can be in a size 8 by Christmas!!! It IS possible and within my reach. So that is why I am choosing option (C).

It’s amazing how much better your perspective gets when you have a few days to contemplate. My life has been, and will continue to be a little crazy, but I’m still very lucky. I have a partner who is there by my side through thick and thin (literally! LOL), and gives Dylan and I her all. I have this gorgeous, amazing, lovable, freaking CUTE little boy who yells “Mom Mom Mom” when I ring the bell to come pick him up, and does a little dance that I taught him in his highchair while he’s eating (the boy’s got rhythm like his Mommy), and trillions of other assorted things of cuteness.

How lucky am I??

So, my son may have trouble in certain areas of his life, but he is special and UNIQUE. I am so blessed to have this little munchkin. I am lucky! And whatever struggles and roadblocks he has to face, I will be right by his side to help him along the way.

We have more craziness in store for us coming up, this Thursday JC will be having gall bladder surgery, and I’m going to have to tend to her and take care of Dylan, plus balance all of the Early Intervention stuff coming our way shortly. But if any chick can handle it, it is me! Soon, she will start feeling better, and we will have a schedule set in place, and we can start living our new life. Things will all fall into place, I know it.

I am going to put way more effort into our little family having more time for fun. Even if it’s every other week, we are going to do SOMETHING fun together. Coney Island, the aquarium, zoo, the sprinklers at the park around the block…I don’t care! Even though we can’t go to Disney in October, I am going to plan a little day at Sesame Place for their Halloween festivities. Dylan will love it just the same.

I am happy to be in this positive state of mind again! It takes a lot to knock me down, but I will never STAY down. Count on that!

So I’ve had the weekend to process Dylan’s diagnosis, and am wrapping my head around it. I’ve talked to some family members and my best friend. I read all of your supportive comments (THANK YOU!!!). I am feeling much better than I did when I wrote that post, which was just after I was told. I am telling myself that it is not the worst thing to have been told, but I am still scared for the future. My youngest sister was born with severe mental retardation. At 28, she cannot talk, has to be bathed, fed and wears diapers. I know Dylan is in a TOTALLY different category, and just has mild/moderate autism, but when you experience growing up with a sister who is so severely disabled sometimes you can’t help jumping to the worst conclusion. Because he used to say a couple more words than he does now, I feel hopeful that he will start talking and saying more than just “Ellie” (from his fave cartoon Pocoyo). I feel hopeful that he will go to a regular school and make some friends. I feel grateful that it was diagnosed so early on so he is eligible for all the services that NYC’s Early Intervention provides.

Yesterday, he gave me lots of hugs & kisses. I am thankful he is not severely autistic, and he loves affection. He smiles at me all of the time, and does interact with me. I think all of the help he will receive, and with what I learn to help him as well, he will progress and thrive. There is so much potential there, and I will put my all into making sure he gets whatever help he needs. I love my little man with everything I have, and if anything this makes me love him even more. God doesn’t make mistakes, and He put Dylan on this Earth and in our hands for a reason. I am just anxious to get things rolling and find out the schedule for the therapies, and figure out how we can work around them. We’ll make it work. It's still going to be a great life for us, just not the one we expected.

I am feeling anxious for other reasons right now. too. Last Saturday, I went to the post office to pick up a package because I had a notification, but didn’t know who the sender was. My stomach DROPPED when I saw it came from my father who lives in Atlanta. I have done many things to make sure he has no contact with me, I’ve changed phone numbers, blocked him on FB, but never thought he would find out where I live. He must have found it somehow online. He is very abusive and sends harassing e-mails and messages when he can get a hold of my number, but I felt safe knowing he didn’t know where I lived. Well, even that sense of safety is gone. He sent a nasty letter, and some broken crap. I don’t know if he would actually come up to NY and go by my apartment, but I wouldn’t put it past him. I feel vulnerable, and I don’t like it, but I guess I can’t live my whole life in fear. I just have to be on guard, and if I do see him I will call the police and get a restraining order.

I packed a healthy lunch and snacks for work. I am going to take my long walk during lunch. I am eager to get back into my routine because it keeps my energy and spirits up, and I could use that right now. I may not be able to control everything going on right now, but I can control how I treat myself. I always feel better when I do the right things for myself. I switched our Disney trip to March 2^nd-9^th, and I think we are really going to NEED that vacation by then! Calgon, take my away!

My little man, feeding himself with a spoon for the first time on Friday! Have to keep working on that, he didn't want to yesterday LOL

I love you guys for being there for me. Your support does not go unnoticed, trust me.

The child psychologist left a little while ago. My son was diagnosed with mild/moderate Autism. While he's napping, my heart is breaking. Before there was the possibility in my mind that maybe they were wrong. Nope, they weren't wrong. He will need 20 hours of ABA/Speech/OT therapy a week, and will have to attend their special preschool. My baby, not even two years old yet.

I feel like I'm grieving for the future I had hoped for my son. He's still my same beautiful boy, the love of my life, but I don't have a crystal ball, I can't predict the future. Will he ever talk? Will he go to a regular school some day? Will he have friends, get a job, get married, have a family??

I will do whatever I can to help him now and always. But my heart is breaking for the struggles he is bound to endure in his life.

Our lives are about to get turned upside down. I have to find a way to be there for him for his therapies, and I will eventually have to leave my full time job at some point. It's clear my son is going to need me more than ever to be there 100%. It's not clear yet how I will manage this since we both need to work, but if it means working nights and weekends, than I will.

If anyone has ANY feedback about Autism, PLEASE share it!

I want to thank those of you who have lent me your support these past few days, you don’t know how much it was NEEDED and appreciated. Xoxoxoxoxo a million times over!

2012 started on such a good foot, but it’s been full of stress, changes and worry these past few months. Job transitions, worry about finances and confusion & concern for my son. I know I am a strong person, and I will get past everything, but sometimes I feel so anxious that my chest is tight and I am holding my breath waiting for the next blow. The one thing that sustains me is my faith in God and knowing He is there. I know we will get past these worries, and that everything will be fine in the end. Despite some of the chaos we’ve had lately, we are TRULY blessed. We both have jobs, we have a great family and our son is happy and healthy! I refuse to wallow in sadness or self-pity. There is no reason for it and it gets us nowhere.

Dylan’s Baptism is this Sunday, can’t believe the day is almost here! I don’t have to tell you how excited I am for it! My pastor came by our house last night to discuss the Baptism, have us fill out forms, and talked to us about the true meaning of Baptism. She read bible verses to us, and even told us she would officiate if we ever choose to get married. She came at 8pm and stayed until 10:30! I am so grateful to have found a church that accepts us and welcomes us even though we are not a “traditional family” being we are two moms. She actually cares about us and our son. I never thought I would find that. I will definitely share pictures of the Baptism here! I am having a photographer come to take pics of the ceremony, and won’t get the CD until a few days later, but I will share those as well.

My weight has been at a standstill, and I have maintained it. I am actually happy about that right now. I’m not resorting to binging or anything self-destructive. I will get my inner “rockstar” back in action.

I hope you all have a great 4^th of July! We plan on having a pot luck picnic in the park with some family. Be safe and enjoy yourselves!

Coming to terms

So, the special instructor came by on Saturday to meet with us and Dylan. We spent a lot more time with her than the pathologist, so we were able to get a clearer picture of their concerns. We got to see first hand the trouble he had interacting with her. He basically wanted to play on his own, and when she tried to get him to look at her, he became agitated. Now, he is not like that with me for the most part. He interacts with me, makes eye contact with me, and will play with me – sometimes. Since she left, I notice when I try to make him look me in the eye, and it’s not natural, he seems to get a little upset. The instructor said that she cannot diagnose him, only the psychologist can make that determination. But she said if he IS diagnosed with it, he will be provided with lots of services and about 10 hours of speech and behavioral therapy in our house each week. She said if he has PDD-NOS, that it looks to be more on the mild side.

PDD-NOS is the diagnosis given when a child has some symptoms of Autism, but not enough to classify them as having Autism. For instance, he loves to be cuddled and kissed and he WILL make eye contact, but on his terms. Also, he doesn’t seem to do self-stimulating behavior like rocking himself, etc. I don’t know if that will change as he grows older. He is only 20 months old, so it’s hard to predict how the future will be. But she told us that she has had kids who have gotten help early like Dylan progress so much that they no longer need services. Of course I hope he falls under that category, but no matter what he is my world, and I will do whatever it takes to help him. I’m not going to lie, this has been rough on me. It feels like it came out of left field, and my whole world was rocked.  But if he is diagnosed, that will NOT define him. He is the most beautiful little boy, he is so intelligent, he is so loving and affectionate with us, and he always captivates strangers on the street when they see him. There is so much more to him than this. If I was a fierce, protective mama bear before – well, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

This only reinforces why I need to be healthy for him, because he needs me here. So I am going to continue getting as healthy as I can so my focus can be strictly on him!