Sometimes I feel like a house built out of cards. One of these days, everything is going to come crashing down, and I am going to lose it. I have way too much going on right now, and am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with it all. The latest has to do with Dylan. I mentioned to the Pediatrician a little while ago that I was concerned over his delay in speech, and she gave me info to contact Early Intervention. I have had his case worker over last weekend to meet Dylan, and a speech pathologist came over last night. He expressed a little concern that Dylan may show signs of having Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). He has a few symptoms of it, like not being as verbal as toddlers are at his age, not as much eye contact, and likes to play independently. But he is not sure because Dylan DID make eye contact with him, but he was very focused on the toys he brought out for him. Also Dylan loves affection and physical contact, he gives me kisses and loves hugs. He is very interactive with me, and is always making eye contact with me. So basically, the pathologist was not sure. There is a teacher coming over tomorrow afternoon to meet him, and Dylan’s caseworker said she will have the child psychologist contact me very soon to make an appointment, because that is who can make the determination over whether he has a problem.
The caseworker was upset that the pathologist told me his opinion because she said he is not qualified to say that, but then she told me there was one thing that made her think of PDD that Dylan did when she met him as well. So that made me feel even more nervous. But she said if it turns out that he does have it, it would be a very mild case, and they will give him tons of services to help him out.
I am doing whatever I can for my son, and while I hope they tell me he doesn’t have PDD or Autism, if he does, I will do anything I can to help him and advocate for him. I am so scared. All I want is for my son to lead a normal, happy life. While they are reassuring me he will, I grew up with a severely disabled sister, so my mind can’t help but jump to the worst. I feel like my world has changed completely since last night, and I am so scared. I love my son more than ANYTHING, and I want the best for him, like any mom. I haven’t talked about this except with my sister, who actually has a Master’s in Special Education and has worked with autistic children. She told me she doesn’t believe Dylan has either disorder, but if he does it would be very mild. I hope she is right. At times like this, I REALLY wish I could call my mom.
I know it is not the worst thing in the world to deal with, but I am still scared.