So I’ve had the weekend to process Dylan’s diagnosis, and am wrapping my head around it. I’ve talked to some family members and my best friend. I read all of your supportive comments (THANK YOU!!!). I am feeling much better than I did when I wrote that post, which was just after I was told. I am telling myself that it is not the worst thing to have been told, but I am still scared for the future. My youngest sister was born with severe mental retardation. At 28, she cannot talk, has to be bathed, fed and wears diapers. I know Dylan is in a TOTALLY different category, and just has mild/moderate autism, but when you experience growing up with a sister who is so severely disabled sometimes you can’t help jumping to the worst conclusion. Because he used to say a couple more words than he does now, I feel hopeful that he will start talking and saying more than just “Ellie” (from his fave cartoon Pocoyo). I feel hopeful that he will go to a regular school and make some friends. I feel grateful that it was diagnosed so early on so he is eligible for all the services that NYC’s Early Intervention provides.

Yesterday, he gave me lots of hugs & kisses. I am thankful he is not severely autistic, and he loves affection. He smiles at me all of the time, and does interact with me. I think all of the help he will receive, and with what I learn to help him as well, he will progress and thrive. There is so much potential there, and I will put my all into making sure he gets whatever help he needs. I love my little man with everything I have, and if anything this makes me love him even more. God doesn’t make mistakes, and He put Dylan on this Earth and in our hands for a reason. I am just anxious to get things rolling and find out the schedule for the therapies, and figure out how we can work around them. We’ll make it work. It's still going to be a great life for us, just not the one we expected.

I am feeling anxious for other reasons right now. too. Last Saturday, I went to the post office to pick up a package because I had a notification, but didn’t know who the sender was. My stomach DROPPED when I saw it came from my father who lives in Atlanta. I have done many things to make sure he has no contact with me, I’ve changed phone numbers, blocked him on FB, but never thought he would find out where I live. He must have found it somehow online. He is very abusive and sends harassing e-mails and messages when he can get a hold of my number, but I felt safe knowing he didn’t know where I lived. Well, even that sense of safety is gone. He sent a nasty letter, and some broken crap. I don’t know if he would actually come up to NY and go by my apartment, but I wouldn’t put it past him. I feel vulnerable, and I don’t like it, but I guess I can’t live my whole life in fear. I just have to be on guard, and if I do see him I will call the police and get a restraining order.

I packed a healthy lunch and snacks for work. I am going to take my long walk during lunch. I am eager to get back into my routine because it keeps my energy and spirits up, and I could use that right now. I may not be able to control everything going on right now, but I can control how I treat myself. I always feel better when I do the right things for myself. I switched our Disney trip to March 2^nd-9^th, and I think we are really going to NEED that vacation by then! Calgon, take my away!

My little man, feeding himself with a spoon for the first time on Friday! Have to keep working on that, he didn't want to yesterday LOL

I love you guys for being there for me. Your support does not go unnoticed, trust me.