Tuesday, September 4, 2012

God, I needed that long weekend.

Thanks to your comments, and quality time with my family for three straight days, I am feeling like a human being again. On Saturday, I told JC how I was feeling, and she promised to talk to her mother and get her to relax a little bit. She said she understood where I was coming from, and she would do what she can to help me.

I have never been that close to a breakdown, and it wasn’t pretty. All day Friday at work, I kept crying at random times at my desk. I felt so desperate, and didn’t know how to feel better. I literally sobbed while in my parked car before picking up Dylan, and it felt so cathartic.

Spending those three days with Dylan and JC felt SO good. We saw my sisters on Saturday, and went to the park on Sunday with JC’s family for a potluck picnic, and I spent the majority of the time there with Dylan at the playground and sprinklers. For the first time EVER, Dylan interacted with another kid he didn’t know! Well, he didn’t exactly play, but he went up to him pointed at the Disney characters on his t-shirt. It was so cute! LOL

Dylan is the best therapy I have. Playing with him, seeing him smile and his hugs & kisses are the best form of medicine.

I am feeling more like myself, and much more centered. I can’t let myself ever get back to that desperate feeling that I had last week. I don’t think I will take any antidepressants in the near future, because like Norma had commented, I think I was suffering from anxiety more than depression.

I took a nice, very fast power walk during my lunch break. It felt so freaking good to feel my muscles twitching from the exercise when I got back to my desk. I brought my healthy food for breakfast and lunch. I am getting back to business. The Fall is almost here, and I’m ready to move on from the “Summer of Hell” ©. I had a very tough time mentally last week, but I am not about to let myself go down like that. I will NEVER give up completely.


  1. I am so glad you were able to relax this weekend. I really hope everything calms down for you so you don't feel so overwhelmed. I hate that feeling!

  2. Glad you are feeling a bit better & had some QT with the fam.

    I also get bad anxiety sometimes but after years of being on a bunch of different medications, I decided to stop my cocktail of meds. Now I just take an ativan (as needed) when I feel the anxiety start to pump through my blood. It's sort of like a xanex. It really helps take the edge off but not so much, I can't function or anything like that. Maybe you wanna talk to your doctor about something like that - if you feel like you need a little extra help right now.

  3. Glad you are feeling better and that JC understands and is willing to talk to her mom. Hope this short week goes quickly and you can relax again this weekend.