Wiped out.

I.Am.Exhausted.

First day on the "new" job went well for the most part. I did not get one moment to relax, I was busy every single minute. In a way, I liked it. The day flew so quickly, and I could get used to this faster pace. We shall see.

I have to get my footing back. I was not able to drink my usual amount of water today because it was just so crazy, and I have to get someone to cover my desk if I step to the restroom, so I just couldn't seem to get it together today. Also, I have to do a shorter walk during lunch because of my new position. Things are a little topsy-turvy because of it, but I will adjust. If I am anything, I am resilient. I'm not hard on myself today, but I will not accept any excuses from myself going forward.

All in all, I think this change is going to be good for me!

The aftermath

I made it out alive! I told my soon to be ex boss how I felt, and she actually agreed with me and talked with the big boss. The big boss told me not to panic, and this will be just a temporary thing because he will be revamping the entire department. He said I may be doing it for a few months but it won't be forever. He also said they will not be giving me any additional work except my insurance work and the front desk, and he also said he will give my big insurance projects for the other girls in my soon to be old department. I guess I will have to believe what he says, and take it day by day. I am glad I opened my mouth because it seems they have a little more respect for me. I know I'm in store for a lot with my new department, but I'll just have to handle it as it comes. Thanks for your support guys!

In other news, I lost a pound last week. Not my usual loss, and I'm not sure why because I didn't change anything, but I am going to try and amp up my efforts even more this week. It's been a rough few days for me, and while I'm proud that I didn't binge or do anything stupid, I also didn't push myself as much as I could have. Now that I feel a little more stable at my job, I can go back to the grind. I need to get to the 100's already!!

Royally Screwed

Things are not going too well for me this weekend. As I alluded to a few days ago, things have been crazy at my job. I had offered to stay in Queens because I was told they needed someone to take care of the residential buildings insurance. I thought it would be the best solution for me. Come to find out, they claim my duties would not be enough to fill a full-time job (never mind that I am taking over for my co-worker who did less than that for 7 years now), and I would also have to be the front desk receptionist in our other department downstairs. That would entail completing ALL of my insurance responsibilities, plus be glued to the phones ringing all day, fielding visitors all day long, letting every single person inside the door for 8 hours a day, and even having to get someone to cover for me if I have to use the restroom. I sat with the girl who is leaving, she and I used to work together and she told me not to take this job. They had stuck her there after the previous girl quit, and after three weeks of doing it, she is quitting too. Both of my new bosses are known for being verbally abusive, and half of the office quit recently. WTF did I get myself into????

Tomorrow I am marching into my soon to be ex supervisor's office and telling her I will not be accepting that position, and if that means going to the city than I will do it. With that comes a whole other can of worms because we were told that not all of us may be going, meaning some of us may be let go. Everyone's future is in the air, but I refuse to take on the other role. I have been with this company for 7 years, and have worked my way up and there is NO way I am getting railroaded into that desk.

I don't know what I have in store for me tomorrow, but I cannot let myself go down like that. I am no one's fool. My stomach has been in knots since yesterday, and I am scared, but I also have self-respect.

Thank you for talking some sense into me yesterday! I know I’m still going to have my moments until we try again, but I need to remember to keep my focus on the present and what I can do to improve myself now. I appreciate your feedback A LOT, more than you know. I actually don’t talk about this stuff with anyone outside of this blog, except JC. It’s kind of hard for me to open up to even my closest friends about certain issues, but I have no problem letting you guys in. Funny, huh?

Well, Happy Friday peeps! It’s been a long, rough week for me, so I am looking forward to spending some quality time with the familia.  I hope you enjoy yourselves this weekend!

I want so badly to try for another baby soon, but I won’t be. It’s not a good idea for a couple of reasons: 1) I refuse to try before I get to my goal,  2) We have to figure out child care because there is no way my MIL can watch two kids so we would need to find care for both , and 3) JC doesn’t want us to try just yet.

I know these are all valid reasons, and I won’t be trying until at least next year, but why is it on my mind so much??

I know I’m not getting any younger at 32, and I don’t know how many tries it will take before it works for us, so that makes me anxious. I wish I could see into the future and know that I will definitely get to have another little one.

I have a beautiful son, he is my world and if he will be my only than I would still be the luckiest mama. But I want so badly to give him a sibling and to experience the joy I felt when I was pregnant with him. The uncertainty if that will ever happen again sometimes gets to me. Lately I am surrounded by pregnant friends and family members, and it reminds me of how much I want to experience that again. I would love to see my son with his brother or sister someday.

Sigh…

I guess all I can do at the moment is continue working hard to reach my goal, become healthier than ever, save money, think positive and day dream of baby names.

Pursuing your dreams

There has been a lot of tension and turbulence at my office since last week and some things we were told. A lot of things are up in the air for all of us, and no one is certain of their future with the company at this moment. Because of that, it’s an unusually quiet and stressful atmosphere. I’m not really a nervous type, I’m more “que sera, sera”, but I’d still like to know what will happen to my position. I am so grateful to my daily walks at lunch, it helps to clear my head. Basically, whatever the outcome is, I will be fine. My self-confidence is growing with each day, and I’m becoming aware of my self-worth again. I come home exhausted from the atmosphere around me, but I know that it is temporary.

When I had started planning my son’s first birthday party last year, I stumbled upon a passion of mine: event planning. I planned this party to the minute detail for months prior. It was a Dr. Seuss theme, and I had to get creative because supplies were hard to find. I made my own favors, designed the invites, made banners, etc. I even made the place cards. I loved every minute of it, and was told by most of my guests that I should do this for a living. Even the photographer I hired told me she had never seen a party like mine. Once the dust settles at my job, I’m thinking of looking into finding a way to learn more about being a party planner on the side. It is something I love. Maybe that will be interning with a company, or freelancing on my own for friends to start. Because I’m feeling empowered with the changes I’m making on myself, I’m feeling inspired to pursue other dreams of mine. Why not? Who’s stopping me but myself, right?

Despite all of the uncertainty around me, I am still focused on my goal. My routine actually helps me because it’s the one thing I CAN control.

A quickie!

Hey guys! Hope you had a nice weekend! Mine was a little meh, Dylan had to get shots early Saturday morning and since then he has been fussier and not sleeping as much. He didn’t take one nap yesterday and was a cranky energizer bunny the entire day. He woke up like a little jack-in-the-box at 5 am this morning, raring to go! So I weighed in at 202 yesterday, I lost 2.5 pounds this week even with my TOM, I have three pounds to go before I’ve lost 50 pounds AND reach Onederland! I want it this Sunday!!!