My heart

So, let me tell you a little bit about my munchkin. Dylan is 16 months old, and definitely a toddler! He loves to run around the house, a fun thing for him to do is run up and down my hallway. He isn’t talking too much yet, he says about 4 words, but he’s starting to mimic me. He is such a typical boy. He loves cars, trucks & trains. He loves to play catch. His favorite shows are Blues Clues, Sesame Street, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Pocoyo and Thomas & Friends. He is very affectionate, and gives me hugs & cuddles. His absolute favorite toys are his Thomas trains, he will even fall asleep holding them. I am already starting to plan his 2nd birthday party in October, the day before we leave for WDW, of course it will be a Thomas the Train party! I adore my little man with all my heart, and he is a big reason for why I am losing this weight. I want to be healthy for him, he’s already keeping me on my toes!

Here’s a few pics of him taken recently {notice the pic of him asleep with his trains LOL}:

After yesterday, my head is totally back in the game. I stayed on plan, and rocked my workout, so I made it through the day. I'm proud that I hung on, and I'm even prouder for kicking butt with the Biggest Loser workout. I couldn't finish the workout on Saturday, but finished it to the end last night. I surprised myself. It's not a workout that I will do daily because it has A LOT of squats and lunges, I don't think that much repetiveness will be good on my knees each day
, but I will do it at least 2-3 times a week in addition to my other workout DVD's. Damn, I sweated a lot last night!! It was a great buy!

I lost 2.5 pounds last week during the Eat At Your Goal Weight challenge, and I am going to strive for 3 pounds this week. Going to get this done!!

I hung on.

So, I had a great weekend. We had J's mom, daughter and granddaughter over for dinner on Saturday. I made healthy tacos and they were a hit. Sunday, we got up early for church, went back home to make breakfast, met up with my sisters and cousin in Staten Island for the St. Patrick's Day parade, had lunch, then went to my other cousin's house for his birthday. I made good choices yesterday for lunch at Wendy's; I had a baked potato with low fat sour cream, small chili and grilled chicken go wrap with water. At my cousin's house, I turned down the {Spumoni Gardens!!!} pizza and the ice cream.

Today, I kind of went through the ringer, emotionally. For the first time since this diet I craved the wrong things big time and have felt extremely lazy. I am home today from work and haven't been as motivated as usual. I put two & two together and realized that (TMI alert) I am ovulating, and I usually experience cravings and fatigue during this time.

However, I didn't do anything stupid. Stuck to my meal plan for the day. Going to workout after dinner is prepared. There was some mental warfare going on but thank God I didn't give in.

Speaking of working out, I did the Biggest Loser At Home Challenge DVD this weekend and LOVED it. What a good workout! Definitely doing it tonight!

Great night all around!

The party was so much fun! It was a Bantry Bay Publick House in Long Island City. The theme for the Sweet 16 was Beauty & The Beast, and she looked adorable in a yellow ball gown. The music was great, and I managed to get my dance on a few times. It was great seeing old friends, and my son Dylan had a great time for the most part. The food was really good, it was a buffet and I did really well. I had half a piece of chicken Francese, some sliced steak and steamed veggies. Just drank water. I weighed the same this morning, so I am happy! All in all, a great night.

This is me before we left for the party, I'm wearing a coat my mom bought for my birthday a few years ago, but didn't fit until now!

I could get used to this!

Okay, so I mentioned that I have a Sweet 16 tonight. It is at 8pm, and I won’t have time to go home and change because I have to pick up something for my MIL, get the baby and meet up with J before we go, so I am wearing the outfit for the party. Nothing special: a nice top, boot cut black pants, pearl necklace, boots. Hair is loose and curly, makeup is done. I am wearing a shirt that I haven’t fit into for a few years, so it feels new to me! LOL

Anyway, my co-workers have been showering me with compliments all day, there has been a perpetual blush on my face! I have to admit, I like what I see in the mirror today! It is the most amazing feeling. When I was younger and fit, I used to go out at least 3 times a week, I loved getting dressed to go dancing! But I have been in such a slump until now, and didn’t like the way I looked. I am still far from my goal weight, but you know what? I feel freaking pretty today. I could get used to this again.

That is all!

Love Fridays :)

Happy Friday!

So, the night before I tried Julianne Hough's Just Dance. I liked it a lot! In the intro, she gives you a mini lesson of certain steps that will be in the workout, she breaks it down very slowly and repeats it so you can get the hang of it. In the warm up, it brought me back to my days as a teenager in dance class, we did head rolls, hip rolls, stretching, etc. Once we got started things moved very quickly, and while it took a bit for me to catch on to the steps, when I did I loved it! I managed to finish three quarters of the workout before my son had a mini meltdown and I had to squash my hopes of completing it. Let me tell you, I burned up quite a sweat! I love my Walk at Home workouts, but this workout definitely pushed me farther than I've gone thus far. I am definitely going to do it again this weekend, and I will try the Biggest Loser At Home Challenge workout as well.

Last night my sister and I went to my mom's old favorite spot for dinner, Roll n Roaster in Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn. I've always ordered the same thing when I go there, cheeseburger, cheese fries and a large sweetened iced tea. Not this time! I ordered a grilled chicken salad with some grilled onions on top and a bottled water. I loved it and was perfectly happy! Times have changed...

Tonight we are going to a Sweet 16. I'm not sure what will be on the menu, but I know it's a buffet. I hope there is at least a salad or veggies there, I am not going to indulge in anything crappy. My focus will be on socializing with friends, chasing my toddler around and dancing as much as I can! Mama hasn't been out in over 2 years, watch out people! LOL

The challenge is going great, I'm staying under my calorie allowance, drinking at least 110 ounces of water a day and logging it all in. I like the structure of the plan!

Happy Birthday Mommy {this is a long one}

Today would have been my mom’s 51st birthday. It is a day full of mixed emotions. On one hand, I have been crying since this morning, and missing her so much. On the other, I feel proud because of things I am doing in her honor.

Let me tell you a little about my mom, Sharon. Her and her two siblings grew up in a children’s home in Brooklyn because her mom decided she couldn’t take care of them. My mom’s father passed away in his thirties from leukemia. She lived in the home until she was 18, at that point she met my father, got married and had me. She had my two sisters in the next four years. My father was very abusive, and put us through a lot until I kicked him out of the house when I was 19. Yup, I did it. I left college and worked three jobs to help support my mom and sisters. My youngest sister was born severely mentally retarded, my mom could not work because she had to care for her. My sister is almost like a baby to this day, she is 28 years old but has to wear diapers, drink from a bottle, be fed, bathed and dressed. She can’t speak, and has the intelligence of a child. My mom took care of her until the day she was admitted into the hospital last April when she was diagnosed with cancer.

My mom was such a good person, the best one I know. I’m not just saying that because she’s gone, she really was. Despite everything we went through growing up, she showed us love, taught us values and morals, was so strong, made us into the people we are today. For the past few years, she kept saying she wanted a grandchild, and was so excited the day I got my positive test. She went shopping right away! You have no idea how much she spoiled my baby before he was even born, I probably wouldn’t have needed a baby shower because of her, but she threw me one anyway. She adored her grandson, and was so happy when he was born. He has red hair, just like her! The last time she saw him was Easter, shortly after she was admitted to the hospital.

We went through so much from April 29th the day she was diagnosed and admitted, until the day she passed away May 18th. She had a stent put in, went through her first round of chemo with a picc line, caught pneumonia, and was finally released on May 14th. We spent that weekend with her at her home, but she was sleeping almost the whole time. A day later, she went to the ER because she had trouble breathing. While at the ER a few hours later, her heart stopped. We weren’t in the room at the time, she sent us away to eat lunch. When we came back from lunch, she was on life support. We were screaming at the doctors to tell us what happened, but no one helped us until the head doctor came in. He said her heart stopped while he was talking to her, and they revived her, but that he didn’t think she would make it much longer. We were in shock, we were JUST talking to her, and she seemed okay! While in the room with her, her heart stopped twice, and both times they revived her in front of us. To say that was traumatizing is putting it mildly.

They transferred her to the ICU, when we spoke to that head doctor he told us that she was essentially brain dead. He said the only thing keeping her alive was the life support, but that she was not with us. He asked if we wanted them to revive her when her heart stopped again, and my sister & I didn’t want to put her through that if what he was saying was true. We spent the day in the hospital with her and were told to go home and get some sleep.

When we went back to the hospital the next morning, she had awakened from her coma!! After being told she was brain dead, we were shocked! She couldn’t speak because she was on life support, but was able to gesture to us. We found out the all of her organs were failing, and that she wouldn't live much longer. My mom was asked if she wanted to continue with intervention or just be given palliative care. She did not want any further intervention, and knew she would pass away soon. I was able to tell her all I wanted to tell her (as much as I could since I was crying non-stop), she gestured for a hug, and wanted to see a picture of my son. Soon after she slipped out of consciousness again.

My sister and I spent the whole night at her bedside, and I held her hand the whole time. She passed away the next morning.

I know this was a long post, but it was cathartic for me to write it. I am trying to do the best I can to honor her, and make her proud. We are doing the pancreatic cancer research walk, and have already raised $800! I am getting healthy because I want to do whatever I can to live a long life to be with my son as long as I can. I even bought the 30 Day Shred workout DVD because she loved it and would do it. She was always working on being healthy, and I want to emulate her.

One thing I learned is that life is way too short, and we need to make the most of it while we are here. Tell our loved ones how much we love them. Take time out to have vacations and make memories with our families. Live our lives the best way possible so that when we go there are no regrets.

Here is my beautiful mom and me as a baby….{sorry for the cropping, my aunt sent it to me like this today}