Lighter

Yesterday, my MIL told me something while I was leaving her house to bring home the baby. She said, “You look lighter”. So I said, “I hope so!” and laughed. But she explained further in her Spanglish that I look like I just feel lighter and happier. She summed it up right there. I do, I feel a million times better than I did back in January. I ALMOST forget how bad I felt back then, in a strange way it feels like a distant memory. It’s only been 4 months, so it’s not a distant memory of course, but I changed my entire life by taking those first steps in January.

In January, I wore a size 24. My heels hurt when I would wake up from plantar fasciitis. I would literally hobble out of bed. I weighed 249. I didn’t want to make plans with anyone out of shame and embarrassment from being the biggest I have ever been. At 32 years old, I felt 62 years old.

I started this blog on January 17^th, and that same day was when I began my real changes. I started walking during lunch, and have never missed one day. I walked during the coldest days of winter, in the rain, if I was sick, if I was tired. I started out a little slow, and was out of breath quite frequently. As time passed, I was able to speed walk and I never feel out of breath. I walk 36 blocks each day during my lunch break.

I also pack my food for work each day. I always have my healthy meals and snacks available. Like the saying goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Now, I wear a size 16, soon to be 14 I’m sure. I don’t feel pain in my feet when I wake up anymore. I just get up and go. I don’t hesitate to make social plans, I don’t think twice about it. I love trying new fitness related things. I feel like a 32 year old again, I feel pretty and girlie. I love fitting into clothes that I haven’t worn in 5 years.

I’m not saying any of this to brag, because NOTHING I have done is outrageous or even that hard. I have not mastered the art of weight loss and getting healthy, I am the farthest thing from an expert, and I definitely do NOT have all the answers. I have so much more to learn, and so much more to go. I still have a little lingering fear that I will fall off track completely out of nowhere.  I’d say the hardest part is keeping up my mojo during the days that I don’t feel like it, but I read a quote that said something like “When you don’t have enough motivation, you need to have determination”. I would always try to remember that during those days to keep fighting. I’m not close to my goal weight, not at all, but I’m learning that this HAS to become a change for life. If not, I will be right back to square one. So I am learning to find changes I can live with forever, not just until I get to my goal. I never want to see myself like I was four months ago. Never. If I have to fight for the rest of my life, than I will! The alternative is far, far worse!

On Christmas day, sitting at the table with my sister, her boyfriend and my cousin, I said to them: “2012 is the year I will lose this weight. You heard it here first, people”. I believed in what I was saying, because I couldn’t envision continuing the rest of my life out of shape, obese and on the way to getting sick. I needed it to be true.

This is only the beginning for me, I still have quite a ways to go before I get to my goal. However, I don’t stress about that because these changes have become part of me. This new me is slowlyyyy becoming the real me. Do you know what I mean?