Tuesday, May 15, 2012

So ten days ago, I weighed 197.5. Today, I weighed in at 201.

I’m sure you want to know WTF happened, right?

Well, I just started to not care anymore. I didn’t care about my goal, about all of the hard work I’ve done so far, about the things I’ve been looking forward to, about anything really. I’ve been in a deep funk with dealing with a lot of chaos and bombshells thrown my way at my job; with financial issues; and with the new round of grief from missing my mom. Mother’s Day was HARD this year. In addition to being sad because of my mom, I was trying to comfort my sister who was having the worst day.  I haven’t blogged about this yet, but she has been through the worst. 9 years ago, she was pregnant and had her son prematurely at 6 months along, he was stillborn. In 2008, she had a placental abruption while 6 months pregnant, and my nephew lived for one month only before getting Necrotizing Enterocolitis, and he passed away. So, she had to deal with double the pain of not having her children with her and not having her mom with her for Mother’s Day. She never really shows much emotion in general, she tends to keep her emotions inside, but she just couldn’t hold it in on Sunday, and my heart was so broken for her. I wished I could do anything to take away her pain.

The funny thing is, despite “not caring”, I still continued some habits like my daily walks and packing healthy meals for work. But everything else went down the tubes. I guess it could have been worse than 3.5 pounds gained if I didn’t maintain some of the habits I’ve learned. Somehow, I managed to wake myself the f**k up since last night. I will NOT go down the same path I used to. I have learned too much and come so far, and I’ll be damned if I do that to myself. I have my son’s Baptism in less than two months and my Disney trip in a little over five months. I have an entire future of being healthy to strive for. I am better than the behavior I’ve shown these past ten days.  I am NOT a quitter!
Right now, it’s back to basics. Getting the water in, completing two workouts each day, tracking my calories at myfitnesspal, and going as hard as I did four months ago. And guys? If there was ever a need for a virtual ass kicking, it would be now.


  1. I can't imagine the pain your sister feels:/ I will be praying for her! Everyone had a tough week last week; it's okay!!! But you realize that you have to pull yourself up and put your focus back on your goal. It's great that you continued with some of your healthy habits!!! I hope this week is great for you:) good luck!!!

  2. I'm so sorry sweetie. Love ya, back on the wagon. We can do this!

  3. My heart just breaks for your sister. You guys have certainly had a really rough time of it latley. I'm so sorry.

  4. Now for the ass kicking- COME ON, GIRL!! Stop now. You have come to far to go back to the stupid behavior of the past. Yes, bad shit has happened in the last year but you can't let that rule how you are going to live now. You can do this! Hell, you HAVE been DOING THIS! Just keep going!

    I hope you know I say this with love and well, you asked for it ;) I also say it to myself. Do you text? We can text each other encouragement (or ass kickings) if you want.

  5. I have got to start proof reading my comments. Sorry for littering your page with bad spelling and grammar.

  6. I'm so sorry for your sister and the feelings your family are going through right now. It sounds like you need a break where you get to relax and feel positive.

    Instead of focusing on the negatives of what you haven't done, celebrate the things you are doing well! You sound like a wonderful sister, friend, mother, partner, worker. You deserve to reach goal and make yourself a priority.

    Happy thoughts and I hope this week is better for you. xoxo

  7. Oh Mina - my heart aches for your sister and for you! So it was very hard this year, I get it. Life is tough and there are days when we get overwhelmed. But girl, you know that is not an excuse, right? Will you stop caring every single time you happen to have a rough time? You know that's not the answer. Now, if you were up, let's say, a pound (which I'm still not going to condone,) I'd say, ok yes, it could have been much worse. But almost 4 lbs? That takes me a good 2-3 weeks to get off! That's 2-3 weeks of life I'll never get back when I could've been losing more weight. Reach out to someone next time, call, text, tweet, FB message, email, smoke signal, morse code - something. Email me, I'll give you #. You really don't want it to get out of hand again, right? That's what we are here for. And never do that shizz again, mkay? Love you. :-)

  8. So sorry about your sister. I can't imagine how hard that is. You sound like a great sister.

    You and me both have been in a "I dont care anymore" funk. We need to get out of it NOW!!! You have come so far! You are kicking ass and taking names. As someone said on my blog...It's how often you get back up! Get back up and do this!! {{HUGS}}

  9. I'm just so sorry to read about your sisters losses. Devestating. I can only imagine how hard mother's day was for both of you.

    Dealing with grief is the hardest thing in the world. It's okay not to be rational about it for a little bit.


    I'm sure you've kicked your own ass enough about this so all I'm gonna say is regroup and get focused on your goal of looking fab at the baptism!!