So ten days ago, I weighed 197.5. Today, I weighed in at 201.
I’m sure you want to know WTF happened, right?
Well, I just started to not care anymore. I didn’t care about my goal, about all of the hard work I’ve done so far, about the things I’ve been looking forward to, about anything really. I’ve been in a deep funk with dealing with a lot of chaos and bombshells thrown my way at my job; with financial issues; and with the new round of grief from missing my mom. Mother’s Day was HARD this year. In addition to being sad because of my mom, I was trying to comfort my sister who was having the worst day. I haven’t blogged about this yet, but she has been through the worst. 9 years ago, she was pregnant and had her son prematurely at 6 months along, he was stillborn. In 2008, she had a placental abruption while 6 months pregnant, and my nephew lived for one month only before getting Necrotizing Enterocolitis, and he passed away. So, she had to deal with double the pain of not having her children with her and not having her mom with her for Mother’s Day. She never really shows much emotion in general, she tends to keep her emotions inside, but she just couldn’t hold it in on Sunday, and my heart was so broken for her. I wished I could do anything to take away her pain.
The funny thing is, despite “not caring”, I still continued some habits like my daily walks and packing healthy meals for work. But everything else went down the tubes. I guess it could have been worse than 3.5 pounds gained if I didn’t maintain some of the habits I’ve learned. Somehow, I managed to wake myself the f**k up since last night. I will NOT go down the same path I used to. I have learned too much and come so far, and I’ll be damned if I do that to myself. I have my son’s Baptism in less than two months and my Disney trip in a little over five months. I have an entire future of being healthy to strive for. I am better than the behavior I’ve shown these past ten days. I am NOT a quitter!
Right now, it’s back to basics. Getting the water in, completing two workouts each day, tracking my calories at myfitnesspal, and going as hard as I did four months ago. And guys? If there was ever a need for a virtual ass kicking, it would be now.