Last night was a little rough. I am almost due for TOM, so I am more emotional as it is, then I saw a commercial which reminded me of my mom which had me crying quietly into my pillow until one in the morning. Next month will be a year that she’s gone, and I am starting to dread that day, but I have to remind myself that it is just another day and nothing bad will happen. I am looking forward to our cancer walk, which is on May 6th. I think that day will be a little cathartic because we will be doing something to honor her memory. It’s just surreal sometimes that she’s gone. I still get moments where I’m about to pick up the phone to call her. We used to talk at least twice a day, usually more. She was my best friend. I loved spending time with her, even as a teenager we would do things together every weekend. Because my father is not in my life (by choice and necessity unfortunately), I feel kind of lost. I love being a mom, but I wish I had a parent to worry over me sometimes. To be concerned about my day-to-day. To be there for my son. To celebrate my successes, and help bring me back up when times are hard. Like, I was an adult before she passed away, but I still felt like a kid around her. I know things could be MUCH worse, and I am very fortunate to have had the time I had with my mom. A huge piece of my heart went with her the day she passed away, and that can never be replaced. Things will never go back to normal, so I’ve had to find a new normal, and I think I’ve been pretty successful with that. I do believe in Heaven, and I do believe I will see her again.
The major lesson I learned is to appreciate the life we have while we have a chance to, and to appreciate the ones we love. It’s sounds cliché, and Hallmark-ish, but it’s very true. Tell them you love them. A lot. I tell my family and friends that all the time, I even tell you guys I love you! Take time to have fun, especially spontaneously. Those are the best times, and make the best memories. Life doesn’t seem short when we are caught up in problems and the daily grind, but it is. Getting healthy and fit is the best gift you can give yourself and your family! :)