Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Last night was a little rough. I am almost due for TOM, so I am more emotional as it is, then I saw a commercial which reminded me of my mom which had me crying quietly into my pillow until one in the morning. Next month will be a year that she’s gone, and I am starting to dread that day, but I have to remind myself that it is just another day and nothing bad will happen. I am looking forward to our cancer walk, which is on May 6th. I think that day will be a little cathartic because we will be doing something to honor her memory. It’s just surreal sometimes that she’s gone. I still get moments where I’m about to pick up the phone to call her. We used to talk at least twice a day, usually more. She was my best friend. I loved spending time with her, even as a teenager we would do things together every weekend. Because my father is not in my life (by choice and necessity unfortunately), I feel kind of lost. I love being a mom, but I wish I had a parent to worry over me sometimes. To be concerned about my day-to-day. To be there for my son. To celebrate my successes, and help bring me back up when times are hard. Like, I was an adult before she passed away, but I still felt like a kid around her. I know things could be MUCH worse, and I am very fortunate to have had the time I had with my mom. A huge piece of my heart went with her the day she passed away, and that can never be replaced. Things will never go back to normal, so I’ve had to find a new normal, and I think I’ve been pretty successful with that. I do believe in Heaven, and I do believe I will see her again.

The major lesson I learned is to appreciate the life we have while we have a chance to, and to appreciate the ones we love. It’s sounds cliché, and Hallmark-ish, but it’s very true. Tell them you love them. A lot. I tell my family and friends that all the time, I even tell you guys I love you! Take time to have fun, especially spontaneously. Those are the best times, and make the best memories. Life doesn’t seem short when we are caught up in problems and the daily grind, but it is. Getting healthy and fit is the best gift you can give yourself and your family! :)

8 comments:

  1. I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I'm very close to my parents too and would feel a part of me was taken away if something happened to them too.

    Please hang in there. My cousins lost their father to cancer last year and I felt for them since they are in they are only in their 20s. My dad says that's the circle of life and that's why you have the next generation to put your hopes into.

    <3

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  2. My grandmother passed away before I was born, when my mom was only 28, and growing up I never thought much about it. But when I became a mom, and grew up and realized how much a mom is to you, my heart hurt for my mom because she doesn't have what I have. I know how lucky I am, and I know what you must be feeling. I am so sorry, love you bunches gal. <3

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  3. Mina, I am so sorry for your loss. I am very close to my mother too, and I can't imagine not talking to her. Please hang in there.

    You are so right about not taking anyone for granted. And I completely agree getting healthy and fit is the best gift. I'm not a mom yet, or anytime soon it seems, but I want to be one day and I want to live long enough to be there for my one day kids. So I need to get healthy. Thanks so much for the post and {{HUGS}}

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  4. I wish I could reach out through my monitor and give you a giant hug right now. I have no other words, just that I'm sorry.

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  5. I am very sorry for your loss. I completely understand. My mother passed away 7 months ago, and each day is still a struggle. You are right though, the most important thing is to remember not to take anyone for granted and not to take life for granted. This is why getting healthy is so important. Your mother would be very proud of you.

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  6. My mother has been gone for five years, my dad for six...and I have to tell you, I miss them more as the years go by, not less. Like you, I still want to be someone's kid! :)

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  7. Everytime you post about your mom, my heart just breaks for your loss.

    You are right about not taking anything for granted. I hope you are feeling a little bit better today.

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