Stronger

Sometimes I think of the path my life has taken this past decade, and it boggles my mind. I was a little bit chubby as a kid, but I lost all my weight in the summer of freshman year in high school. It was like a teen movie, I ended freshman year all awkward and chubby, not too many friends – then came back sophomore year a changed girl, 120 pounds, hair & makeup done, new wardrobe. I became a cheerleader, made lots of friends, had the time of my life in high school.

I started working at a gym in my teens as a receptionist, and by my early twenties I was a manager and a certified aerobics instructor. I worked out every single day, and I could run on the treadmill for an hour, no problem. I went dancing 3 nights a week. I did a 26 mile bike marathon, all 5 boroughs of NYC.

How the hell did I get from there to my highest weight of 249 in 2012?

I can’t blame it on one single thing. I went through the most tumultuous time of my life. So many HUGE life changes in one decade. Obviously I didn’t deal with it the right way, I stuffed my feelings away with food, and had little to no activity. But losing my mother at 50 years old shook me to my core, and forced me to re-evaluate what I want out of this life, and what my priorities are.

I’m starting to get a glimpse of the girl I used to be, the girl who loved to workout, the girl who enjoyed life as it is. I have grown tremendously and I will never be who I was back then, and that’s a good thing. I’m not as carefree and naïve, but I am strong. No matter what life throws my way, I can handle it. I have a confidence that I’ve never had before, you can only get that confidence by going through a shit load of stuff but coming out stronger for it. I care less what people think of me than I did back then. Maybe I didn’t “waste” a decade of my life, like I usually say.